Tina Fey Scar = Short Husband ?

2010 August 17
by Manny
Tian Fey Scar

Tina Fey’s scar

This site is about celebrity heights. So why am I writing a post about Tina Fey’s scar? Read on till the end of the post to find out. I have been a fan of Tina Fey since her SNL days. I noticed Tina’s scar in a picture and wondered how she got it. Apparently, thousands of people search for the same thing and until recently they didn’t have an answer. Tina Fey refused to answer questions about the scar and just said that it happened during her childhood. This led to many theories none of which were confirmed by her. Her silence on the matter suggested that it must have been a very traumatic event.

Jeff Richmond - Tina Fey's Husband

Tina Fey walking with her husband and daughter.

In 2008, Tina Fey finally decided to reveal the secret behind her scar to People magazine. When Tina was five years old, she was sitting in the front yard of her home when a stranger walked up to her and with no warning violently cut her cheek. She didn’t even realize that she had been cut and her initial reaction was that somebody had marked her face with a pen. How did Tina Fey deal with such a traumatic event? Her strategy was to not let this event take over her life. She tried to go on with her life as if this event had not taken place. Having a scar on your face would be traumatic for anybody at any age but one can’t imagine how traumatic it would have been for a young girl. According to her People magazine interview she was able to forget about it until she got in front of the camera. Some people do not even notice the scar when watching her on TV as most of her scenes are shot from the right scar free side. It is quite possible that she chose to get involved with comedy as a way to deal with the traumatic memories of the event.

Tina Fey SNL

Tina Fey on SNL’s Weekend Update

Now that I have explained the back-story behind Tina Fey’s scar, you must be wondering about the title of the post: “Tina Fey Scar = Short Husband?” This site has a database of celebrity heights. Tina Fey is 5 feet 4 inches tall. I was looking through pictures on Google Images to confirm this height by comparing her height in pictures with the heights of other celebrities. While doing this I came across a picture of her with her husband, Jeff Richmond. In doing so I found out that her husband is much shorter than her. He is 5 feet tall, 4 inches shorter than Tina. Women in general have a very strong preference for somebody who is much taller than them. ABC 20/20 did a show on how strong this preference is by having a line up of short and tall men. Then women were asked to choose men from the line up. All of them chose the tall men. Then they were told that the 5 foot 3 inch male was a doctor and a best selling author. This didn’t make them change their mind. They were informed that the 5 feet tall man in the line up was a millionaire but this still didn’t change the mind of the women either. Finally, the reporter asked the women what could possibly make them pick the 5 feet tall guy. One woman replied that maybe if the other four men in the line up were murderers. You can read a full transcript of the show here. A video clip from the show is posted at the end of this post.

Tina Fey's Husband - Jeff Richmond

Tina Fey 5 feet 4 inches, Her husband Jeff Richmond is 5 feet tall

Keeping in mind this strong preference for men who are taller, I wondered why Tina Fey married a guy who is 5 feet tall. One simple answer is that Tina Fey is not a shallow person and that she liked her husband’s personality so much that she was able to overcome the instinct women have of choosing males that are taller than them. Did Tina Fey date taller men but rejected them because she found her husband to be the best option for her? In an interview, she told David Letterman that she was a virgin till age 24. At 24 she lost her virginity to her future husband, they had a 7 year relationship and then got married. This suggests that she has only been romantically associated with one man.

Now it is time for some “speculation”. Tina Fey jokingly told Letterman that she wasn’t a virgin by choice and that she “couldn’t give it away”. I find that hard to believe. She is a very attractive woman now. In the past she didn’t have that Hollywood shine on her but still she was an above average looking woman who would have had no problem “giving it away”. Maybe, Tina Fey had intimacy issues growing up as a teenager because she had been attacked by a man when only 5 years old. Maybe, she found it extremely difficult to trust men or to get close to them because that fear of a total stranger hurting her was so bad that being hurt by somebody close to her would be too much to take. Women are attracted to tall men because they feel “secure” and “protected”. However, in Tina’s case this association between a tall man and feeling secure wouldn’t exist because a man who would have been much taller than the 5 year old Tina attacked her out of nowhere for no apparent reason. Maybe this event resulted in her viewing tall men as unattractive and threatening. At 24 she met her husband, who is 5 feet tall which makes him 4 inches shorter than her. At a subconscious level, this man is not threatening and overbearing like the man who had attacked her when she was sitting on her front porch. She is able to trust him and without even going out with anybody else, she marries him 7 years later. Women in the 20/20 program mentioned earlier were not ready to pick the 5 foot tall man even if he was a millionaire and they would only consider giving him a chance if all the other taller men were murderers. Tina Fey picking a 5 foot tall husband might suggest that she views those other taller men as potentially dangerous at a subconscious level. Finally, you have the answer to why this post is titled: “Tina Fey Scar = Short Husband ?” Crazy speculation? Plausible?  You decide! You can leave comments using the form at the bottom. You will have to enter the text in the image. This prevents automated software from spamming the comments section.

Video Clip from the ABC 20/20 show mentioned in the post:

Video Clip of Tina Fey talking about her being a 24 year old virgin on the David Letterman show:

No Responses leave one →
  1. Darrin Taylor permalink
    August 20, 2010

    Tina you the best. By association your husband must be pretty awesome too. Best wishes to both of you.

    • fred permalink
      May 3, 2014

      Fey is a tallist. No wonder she hates Sarah Palin for having a normal sized husband instead of Stumpy.

  2. James permalink
    November 26, 2010

    This is the most bizarre thing I have ever read.

    • diamond79 permalink
      April 13, 2011

      I agree

    • July 24, 2012

      hahahah I thought so, you’re frank enough to say it aloud
      I just think…that incident wouldnt make a woman be afraid of ‘tall guys’
      she gets along with guys well

      Im a very insecure person, but Im sure the scar wouldnt matter to some girls
      if they are taught to believe it is nothing and explore when they got time to grunt on these things

      and I dont think she ‘overcame’ female instinct
      I’ve had a crush on a fat guy who had wrong eyes, a wrong nose, and wrong lips
      women are thrilled by performance and language :/
      I once had a friend who was 5’2, and he didn’t seem sissy

  3. jamie permalink
    January 1, 2011

    i think maybe it should be a private issue why should would prefer a shorter man.I doubt anyone would like to read articles about themselves like this

  4. Brett C permalink
    January 8, 2011

    Happily married but still had a crush on Tina for about 5-6 years ..scar or no scar

    im 6’2 though so never really had a chance \

    hope shes happy

  5. Jezy permalink
    February 6, 2011

    I think there are some reasons why Tina chose this guy, relating to her past and personality. I think narrowing it down to her attacker being a tall man is too specific. If anything that event would make her feel life is out of her control, which is scary! From interviews, you can see Tina and her friends describe her as being a Type A personality–meaning she likes things to be in control, dominant, intensely goal-driven. Having a shorter husband automatically puts her in the dominant position, in control. Overall, I’m saying the scar incident could influenced her marital choice, but her personality did as well.

    • Jinny permalink
      May 30, 2011

      I totally agree with you

    • joealow permalink
      July 19, 2011

      How does having a shorter husband automatically put her in control.
      Is she going to beat him up if he does not do what she says?
      I have had taller girlfriends and they did not control me.
      I don’t put up with shit from women, some guys do though, short, medium and tall.

      This article is ridiculous, an attempt to pathologize her choice in a short husband.
      Jeff Richmond appears to be a successful man but because you believe that short men
      are inherently inferior, there must be something psychologically wrong with Tina Fey for marrying a short man. Maybe when the boogeyman pops out of the bushes a taller man
      would be more able to beat mr. boogey up and that should be the most important factor in who women decide to marry.

  6. Michelle permalink
    March 1, 2011

    She’s overcome a lot and found someone who loves her. It’s rare enough as it is. Who cares if he’s short? Dudley Moore was only 5’2″ and a great musician and actor. Her costar Alec hasn’t really found anyone special in 11 years and he’s handsome and funny, and gifted, and ridiculously successful at many things.

    I think not being a w**re is better than being one. Not everything is cheap and meaningless to everyone. Most of these busy people don’t have time to be serious in a relationship. They’re workaholics.

  7. Jenn permalink
    March 7, 2011


    I was shocked to find out that Tina Fey’s husband was only 5’0!! I actually came across this website after googling her husband’s name because I was watching a clip of that Letterman interview where she said she lost her V card at 24 to her now husband. Honestly, I don’t know of ANY woman who would ever date a man so short. Much less marry and reproduce with him.

    It’s possible that she felt threatened because of what happened to her as a child. But it’s also possible that she has had self-esteem problems not because of the attack but because of the scar itself.

    Case in point: I personally know a very beautiful girl in her 20s who has burnt tissue/scars on one side of her face due to a burning accident. It is only on one of her cheeks and it isn’t all that big. She is dating this ATROCIOUSLY ugly man who is lazy, dresses like a slob, fat, and doesn’t make very good money.

    This girl is so pretty but because of the scar she doesn’t realize her own self worth.

    This could also be another reason why Tina chose such a short man. Height is VERY important to most women in picking a partner. Maybe Tina felt she wasn’t worthy enough for a tall handsome man?

    • oliver permalink
      August 4, 2011

      such a shallow comment.. you can’t just rule out a person just because s/he is short or fat.. people have personalities. and some people are truly deep enough to choose their partners based on values rather than the length of their bones.. she might have had problems in her past, but she might have fallen for her husband perhaps just because he has a great personality. too few people who make comment on this website can be more attractive than a guy who is way shorter than them, but has brains.

    • someone permalink
      March 21, 2012

      Spot on. It’s not shallow. It’s realistic. This is how people actually think.

  8. Naomi permalink
    April 7, 2011

    You think too much.

  9. Tom permalink
    April 7, 2011

    The man is a composer. Chances are good that he has a really artistic soul and a complex mind that would attract someone like Tina. Granted he’s extremely short by any measure, but he must be quite exceptional if someone as cool as Tina Fey found him worthwhile to hold on to. I think the height is a non-factor meaning if he had been tall when they met Tina would probably still have found him attractive and she would still be married to him today. The fact that she didn’t dismiss him because of his height only attests to Fey’s genuine coolness.

    • Jill permalink
      October 5, 2011

      Perfectly stated!

    • American Eagle permalink
      April 19, 2012

      Tina Fey is a great American and a great person. We should all be like her.

  10. RayHend permalink
    May 8, 2011

    I agree, Michelle. I find it interesting, the way popular logic dictates that it’s somehow undesirable or even strange to be a virgin up to and into the 20s. I wish more people could have the fortitude and confidence to wait, and go into sex at a time when they’re more mature. I truly think, overall, our society — and specifically our children — would fare much, much better.

  11. Susan permalink
    May 8, 2011

    I think she is awesome & stunningly beautiful. Her personality and humor make her even more attractive. I feel the same about her co-star Amy Poehler. I could watch the two of them all day. They make me laugh so hard I could wet myself! THAT is the ultimate compliment…there aren’t any men that make me laugh that hard but some come close. (Puns all unintentional…lol)

  12. Such BS permalink
    June 4, 2011

    This article is such BS and so are so many of the responses. Why can’t it just be that she met a man whom she was attracted to and fell in love. Why does it have to be issues from her childhood, or self-esteem issues? I am a short man at 5’6 and while height may have been a deal breaker, I’ve had a pretty healthy dating life and never missed a week or two without having a date when I wasn’t married. Her husband is 5’4 and not 5’0. Even if she had many male partners prior to, there are plenty of women who date 6′+ types and marry average or short.

    Congrats to you Tina for being excited with your total package. Diminutive or not, a man is a man.

  13. Kat permalink
    June 6, 2011

    Height DOES matter, no matter how non-politically correct it may be to admit. A guy that is only 5 feet tall bears a HUGE burden in finding a woman willing to date him!! However, love can definitely develop out of friendship. They worked together before they started dating and dated for a long time before getting married. I’m sure if he was 6′ tall his track record would have been very different.

    The bottom line is that they found each other, they seem super happy together, so kudos to them!

  14. Tinaisbeautiful permalink
    June 10, 2011

    Tina Fey is an incredibly beautiful, self-depricating, and wonderfully talented woman. Who cares about the height of her husband!? She is happy, and has obviously found someone with whom she can share a life…and children! She has worked hard to get where she is, and should be allowed to enjoy the life she has created. I really have trouble understanding how anyone could criticize her for something so shallow. With a Hollywood full of Paris Hitlon and Lindsay Lohan Types, Tina Fey is a wonderfully fresh breath of air to every other bit of fake nonsense out there.

  15. Onpoint permalink
    June 12, 2011

    This sounds like it’s pretty poignant.

  16. Rachel permalink
    June 15, 2011

    I agree with Tom. I’m 2 1/2″ taller than my husband. I dated men taller, the same, and a couple shorter than I. He was just awesome and I fell in love with him. Also like Tina and her husband, he’s built broader and more muscular than I am, so I don’t feel like an Amazon around him.

    Also, I have no male issues in my past. I have a great dad, and good, tall brothers. I just feel loved by my husband and I appreciate him. His height has nothing to do with it.

    My guess is Tina Fey would think this article is pretty lame.

  17. Nina permalink
    June 27, 2011

    I think Tina’s husband looks hot. The fact that she dated him for seven years and then still loved him enough to get married is a sign he must be pretty great in the sack, besides being a good friend. People aren’t really all as shallow as women who were able to get onto a 20/20 show. Even a preference for height that has its roots in human instinct can be overcome by smarter people who know a good partner when they find one. Obviously that’s Tina. She deserves her success and every bit of happiness she’s found.

  18. Thea permalink
    August 13, 2011

    Height is hardly relevant in life . . .what does count . . . does someone make you laugh . . . do they stand by yourside . . . who-ever did the 20/20 story needs to get a life! Tina is obviously secure enough in herself and her choices — no one should be out there second guessing her! As a fellow — greek married to a short but funny man — I’d pick him over and over again any day!

  19. lo wong permalink
    August 13, 2011

    i bet hes gotta huuge woody just like me

  20. lo wong permalink
    August 13, 2011

    does he givit 2 her greek style?

  21. Gwynne D'Amico permalink
    August 21, 2011

    I went to high school with Jeff and he is an awesome guy! I participated in two community plays in our home town that he directed and was in awe of how talented he is. I completely understand why she would marry him!

  22. Melodies permalink
    October 5, 2011

    This is interesting. I don’t know why people are trying to figure out why she “chose” a short husband. I don’t think she was looking for someone short specifically but just happen to meet him and fell in love with him and obviously height doesn’t matter to her. But it is crazy how most women prefer tall guys, including me. I love tall guys, or atleast a significant amount taller than me. But the funny thing is my fiance is only 5’4. I am 5’1 so it’s ok. Even though it would be nice if he was atleast 5’7. But he’s got every quality I look for in a guy. So I guess we can’t be superficial and shallow. And no I wasn’t “looking” for a short guy either. He just won me over, and we’ve been together 8 years. Bottom line, short guys deserve love too. :)

  23. Linda permalink
    October 5, 2011

    I have dated men of several heights, The the smallest guy I ever dated (about 5′ 4) had the largest *ahem* smile , if you know what I mean. ..but I digress…

    I think this theory is fairly probable, but I think he is attractive, and probably has many attributes that us on the outside cannot see.
    I’m sure Tina made a very smart choice for her husband and father of her children.

  24. Christine permalink
    October 14, 2011

    Maybe she just loves her husband?

  25. Ferny permalink
    October 15, 2011

    Shortie must be hung like a horse.

  26. Ben Joseph permalink
    November 15, 2011

    Randy Newman said it best

    Short people got no reason
    Short people got no reason
    Short people got no reason
    To live

    They got little hands
    Little eyes
    They walk around
    Tellin’ great big lies
    They got little noses
    And tiny little teeth
    They wear platform shoes
    On their nasty little feet

    Well, I don’t want no short people
    Don’t want no short people
    Don’t want no short people
    `Round here

    Short people are just the same
    As you and I
    (A fool such as I)
    All men are brothers
    Until the day they die
    (It’s a wonderful world)

    Short people got nobody
    Short people got nobody
    Short people got nobody
    To love

    They got little baby legs
    That stand so low
    You got to pick em up
    Just to say hello
    They got little cars
    That go beep, beep, beep
    They got little voices
    Goin’ peep, peep, peep
    They got grubby little fingers
    And dirty little minds
    They’re gonna get you every time
    Well, I don’t want no short people
    Don’t want no short people
    Don’t want no short people
    ‘Round here

  27. f***off permalink
    November 26, 2011

    Get a life. I’m pretty sure Tina wouldn’t appreciate being psycho analyzed like this. Do the internet a favor and throw your computer away.

  28. Matt permalink
    November 29, 2011

    It would be interesting to see the results of that video clip if all the women were alone and giving their opinions privately. I bet the results would be completely different.

  29. CmptrWhz permalink
    December 17, 2011

    ALL of you are wrong. Height has nothing to do with it. Your past has nothing to do with it, love is all the matters. I luv Tina Fey. I think she’s extremely funny, smart and cute. I’m glad she found someone to ride this train we call life and make me laugh while doing it. Thank you Tina for your contribution as a human being and keep doing what your doing.

  30. voodoodoll permalink
    January 5, 2012

    is that why 30rock did an episode where liz lemon meets, and tries to date a dwarf? it was basically to prove a point, so maybe that is why she married her husband, to prove something, i don’t know what…she looks like such a slob, i am sure he could do better.

  31. Ruth permalink
    January 31, 2012

    I think this article was actually very intelligent. From a psychological standpoint, it’s very interesting as well. A lot of accurate points (not about Tina herself), and definitely possibilities (about Tina).
    Either way, Tina is great, and I’m glad she’s happily married.
    Thanks for a great article!

  32. Caroline permalink
    February 11, 2012

    I’m just shy of 5’8″. My husband is 5’2″. He’s an exceedingly handsome man in a very masculine way (I’d type him with Gabriel Byrne, Chris Noth, dark-haired and rugged-but-sophisticated), and he has a perfect balance of traditionally ‘manly’ skills (martial arts, carpentry) with a strong respect for women. He’s also a perfect father. When he was still on the market, women often refused to date him because they said they’d be embarrassed to walk down the street with him, even if they were only an inch or two taller. I thought that was incredibly stupid, but hey, it was my good luck.

    There are several celebrity couples in which the woman is taller than the man (Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, or Stacy Keibler and George Clooney, are two that come to mind). Women who disqualify a man solely because of his height are insecure; they think it’s a reflection on whether they could catch somebody else’s ideal of a man, rather than choosing a man for his own merits.

    And I don’t want to be coarse, but there are some sexual positions in which having a shorter partner is an advantage, including the missionary position, if you think about his easier oral access to, er, the pleasure pair. Also, because a short man know what it feels like to be rejected for an arbitrary physical criterion, he just might be more accepting of YOUR perceived defects, or not consider them defects at all.

  33. Marge earls permalink
    February 17, 2012

    I love her and find her incredibly funny. I never noticed her scar…and can’t it be that her husband is just a really great guy and she isn’t fakebut just loves him because he is a good man….it happens

  34. woobear permalink
    February 25, 2012

    I am 5’4″ and my girlfriend is 5’10″. We have been together for well over a year. Her last boyfriend of 6 months was taller than her. She has not had any significant trauma in her life related to men, and is not particularly controlling, nor does she posess a type A personality. This article is inflammatory, and plays on junk science and baseless speculation. Not to mention I am awkward and prone to flatulence, and she is intelligent, lovely and attractive. NNNNNEEEERRRDDSSS!

  35. Frankie permalink
    March 5, 2012

    Tina Fey used to be super fat. That’s why she couldn’t give it away. She would pop up in the background of SNL sketches sometimes when she was just a young writer and pretty much take up the whole screen.

  36. Laura Lime permalink
    March 20, 2012

    Actually, I think your insights are pretty plausible for armchair psychology. [I am presuming you are not a psychology professional.] That doesn’t preclude the idea or indeed testimony to Jeff’s strengths, but there is no denying the lasting effects of traumatic events in our childhood.

    Let’s just call Tina a modern-day version of the old silent classic with Conrad Veidt…The Woman Who Laughs …and takes us along for the ride!

  37. alisha permalink
    April 8, 2012

    I love short men. I am 5’3 and being with much taller men feels akward.

  38. Anon permalink
    April 14, 2012

    the person who made this website is clearly mentally…unwell. this is a super creepy post.

  39. Not impressed permalink
    April 20, 2012

    I make it a policy to stay out of people’s relationships–and heads. How immature and insulting not to mention arrogant to think you know anything about anyone. Are you God? Mind your own business.

  40. Diane Marie permalink
    May 17, 2012

    Having attended James A Garfield High School in Garrettsville, Ohio with her husband, Jeff Richmond, one would know height was not an issue.

    At an early age, Jeff directed the high school plays, even while attending Kent State University he continued to donate his time and talents.

    He is no less talented than Tina, just somewhat less well-known but is creative and gifted in many areas including music composition, Second City alumni, and the Russian Hat Guy on Conan O’ Brien.

    Most of all, Jeff has always been one heck of a nice down-to-earth guy who is deserving of one heck of a nice gal.

  41. Sherry M permalink
    May 23, 2012

    Jeff Richmond is brilliant, creative and funny. He was always involed with theater, music and art in school. Tina chose a great man! – His Art Teacher

  42. something permalink
    July 2, 2012

    she actually is thetruthergirl
    go look at her account and her husband, then look at her husband. same person and there the same person.

    she plays sarah palin too, and he real name is i thik greenberg

  43. Todd permalink
    July 22, 2012

    The guy in the video clip named “Stu” is Stu Harris, and he was an actor in Chicago and good friends with Jeff. I can’t believe the irony of using that clip. I worked with Jeff Richmond in Chicago and he is a brillant guy – incredible visual artist, musician, actor, and amazing sense of humor. I know – I took care of his cats when he went out of town. And Stu was a brillant improvisational actor and a sweetheart.

    Tina choose Jeff because she was a 25 year old virgin, and Jeff is gentleman. Plus, they’re perfect for each other. Two incredibly talented folks who deserve each other.

  44. Marol Kisan permalink
    September 24, 2012

    I think this is poppycock, balderdash and moonshine. Talk about armchair psychology 101. You’ve been watching way too much Oprah and Dr. Phil. Just what are your credentials to psychoanalyze Tina’s motives for falling in love with and marrying her husband? I think she’s the best expert to comment on her own life choices, not YOU. She simply stated a stranger cut her face; I didn’t see any gender of the person identified, nor age or height. Tina and her husband were together as a couple for over 7 years before getting married in 2001 and then have now been together for over a decade more as spouses with 2 beautiful little girls and a solid loving relationship. Are you jealous that two people looked beyond “the obvious” of social flaws of scars and height stature and made a choice that has been absolutely the best thing that happened to both of them, well before fame and fortune found them, and that they have managed to stand the test of time and also all the temptations of fame and fortune and haven’t traded each other in for better “models” as is often the Hollywood way? How dare you speculate on a complete stranger’s personal life? I guess you just don’t have one of your own that’s keeping you satisfied and interested enough! Shame on you for being so shallow.

  45. October 22, 2012

    Wow, I’m continually, though really it shouldn’t surprise me anymore, surprised by folks such as on here, stating that this article is ridiculous. It is not at all and makes perfect sense. People, you obviously do not know humans very well at all. As a teacher for over twenty years, teaching 3rd through 12 grade, I have had the opportunity to watch my students grow, with their families, 1000s of them, each passing from childhood into young adulthood. It is pretty easy to see the problems they will have to deal with when they begin dating or why they make the choices they do. This theory is completely plausible. Having said that, it doesn’t mean that it is what has happened with Tina. But, it is not unusual. I have had SEVERAL, yes, SEVERAL, close female friends in my life who fit Tina’s profile almost exactly – an attractive woman who has experienced an attack or abuse as a child or young teen, by a male figure and who has gone on to stay a virgin until well into their adult years and who marries, after a prolonged period of courtship for many years, the first guy they date (who ends up in several ways to be opposite to their attacker – and this is most DEFINITELY a shorter guy in ALL instances that I personally know of and also such things as choosing a blond, if attacker was dark or vice versa), except these women are successful in other careers, not television comedy. So really, I’ve no idea, why all the eyeball rolling, except that many of you folks commenting just don’t know very many women on an intimate level. Your circles of types of women appear to be quite limited. I am glad that Tina could find someone and she has a beautiful daughter.

  46. FrancisChalk permalink
    May 3, 2014

    If John McCain hadn’t picked Sarah Palin as his running mate, Tina Fey would be a totally obscure, unheard-of nobody.

  47. Lorraine permalink
    May 3, 2014

    I don’t get this at all. I am a tall woman, but I have never had a preference for tall men. My husband is the same height as me, nose to nose, and I find him irresistably attractive. Before marriage, I dated several men of varying heights. Out of all of them, two of them who were shorter than me, one a lover and one a friend who did not know I was deeply in love with him; I would have married in a heartbeat if they had asked me before I met my husband.

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